i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this just has baby written all over it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
