I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
