I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
