just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I AM VODKA MAN
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
