dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
