I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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