i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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