you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
