JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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