You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
