why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
