just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
