if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
