I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize