the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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