i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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