this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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