she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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