I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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