i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
