Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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