Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
