Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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