I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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