Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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