CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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