I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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