If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
