The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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