; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
