you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
