I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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