Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
