okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
