don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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