I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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