Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
