I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My ass is underappreciated
They have beer where we have blood.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
