i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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