I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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