I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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