things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
