I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
