Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
