When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
