white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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