I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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