That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
