I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
