I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize