Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
