Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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