they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
