$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My life is pants optional.
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