Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
