i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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