So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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