big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
