so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
