I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got chris browned last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
