we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
only you would photoshop your dick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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