Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
