Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
