i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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