Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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