I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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