never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
